*sigh*

growing up is tough business.

I keep repeating these words, coz I somehow feel I haven't done much of it yet. Emotions get me all worked up, and all of a sudden I hurt somebody else's feelings or I ruin an already good situation. Obviously, if I want no further regrets I sure have to suck in some guts and do the right thing no matter how hard it may seem, no matter what consequences it has that might hurt my pride. It's my mistake. I gotta fix it. Or else I'll leave a stain in people's memories of me. I've done that once, 2 years ago at KKN and I'm not willing to let it happen again.

My friend advises me to keep my cool and be the usual confident and sweet person I am(yeah, right..lol). Until the person I hurt can open up again, thus my apologies will be accepted and hopefully things will be as they were. wish me luck!

Audzubillah...

Aku berlindung pada Allah dari godaan syaitan yang terkutuk. Setan memang ada dalam darah kita. Setiap helaan nafas yang luput dari dzikir. Setan terselip di situ. Dalam perbuatan, ucapan, penglihatan, pendengaran, pikiran. Bencinya setan terhadap kita yang hanya diciptakan Allah dari segumpal tanah^sedangkan dia dari angin api^ditunjukkan dengan usahanya untuk menjerumuskan kita semua kedalam lembah panas tak terperi. sejelek-jeleknya syaitan, sebenci-bencinya dia terhadap kita. ternyata ada satu hal yang bisa kita contoh dari dia. Dia sangat memegang janji.Janjinya pada Allah untuk membuktikan bahwa manusia tidak pantas dipuji, dia pegang terus sampai sekarang. Dan dia betul-betul tekun dalam hal itu. dan siapa tahu,ketika semua ini selesai. ketika hari perhitungan datang. Allah yang Maha Pemngampun itu akan memaafkan kesalahan setan dan tinggallah manusia-manusia celaka terpanggang api neraka. And, semoga kita bukan salah satu dari mereka, Amiin.

like a moth to a flame

like a moth to a flame being burnt by the fire that`s the way love goes. lately, I keep reminding myself to get my priorities right. Get a grip Dian. Think straight. Stride straight. This isn`t you. You`re strong in your own way and you have a wide open road ahead of you. Boys are toys. I think I need a little bit of detergent in my brain to wipe clean his image and kindness. I`ll head-bang until foams of soap come out of my ears. Oh, I hope he hasn`t realized that I have a crush on him yet. I don`t think I can face another guy whose head is stuck up in the sky knowing someone as sweet as me has feelings for him. Sorry boy, it`s your loss. You had the chance, but you let me go... Like a comet that chance only comes in a couple of hundred years. You blew it, better luck next time, bro!

loser banget? ngga sih. It`s just my own wierd way of growing up and facing reality

Gue ngga selapar itu kok. wek! ;p

gue ngga selaper itu kok, sampe yang ada di depan mata langsung gue lalap. itu bukan makanan gue. makanan gue adalah makanan yang khusus. selapar apapun gue, gue ngga boleh nurunin standar, ntar malah sakit perut karena nurutin nafsu.
makasih ya, om. nasihatnya ngena bener...

no longer falling for you

I'm the fool
I'm to blame
What was I thinking?
Did I think my will power was strong enuff to enter you heart?
What blinded me to hope for something so distant?
If someone can't learn to love me within, say 2 or 3 months, no matter how much I show it, that means he doesn't feel the same.
He's just too kind to everyone is all, including me.
So accept it.
But I won't change, I hope.
I might just need a little bit of time so my heart can calm down. can cool down.
The love and disappointment of rejection to fade away.
And I'll be my normal self again.
Except no longer falling for you.
I promise.

yamete kure yo Dian! Muri yo Muri!

Should I scold my heart for falling head over heels for you?
Should I punish my mind for creating tacky romantic scenes with you?
I give up.
It seems, I can't like someone sincerely.
I can't love someone sincerely, a lopsided love won't do for me.
Please, stay out of my life.
Don't be kind, coz I'm the selfish type
Don't be sweet, coz I'm the greedy type
Get to know my bad side, coz I don't want you near me anymore.
Please, stay away from me.
I hate you. I think...

huaaaaaa jatuh meneh...

gue jatuh lagi, horeeee!!! jatuh dari sepeda. pulang gawe, ujan-ujanan ribet. satu tangan pegang payung satu tangan pegang stang sepeda. lagi konsen ama payung ngga liat kedepan. tau-tau udah ada tiang listrik menghampiri (apa gue yang ngampirin, udah gak jelas dalam ingatan). gue banting stang kekanan malah nyusruk masuk parit dan tulang rusuk menghantam sudut parit. sempet sesak napas sebentar. gue terduduk. sepeda ngegeletak tak berdaya. keranjang sepeda gue kelipet dua dan payung gue ngga berbentuk lagi. pertama kali gue langsung telpon temen gue orang indonesia si aniky yang baru aja pisah karena dia harus gawe lagi. tapi gue lupa kalo hpnya is dead. bingung mau ngapain gue cuma bisa nelpon nyokap dan bilang, "mah, dian jatuh lagi." ada dua orang lewat tapi ngga bilang apa-apa apalagi nolongin. gelap-gelap, hujan-hujanan duduk di jalanan, pantat basah.
tiba-tiba malaikat gue dateng. seorang bapak-bapak paruh baya dengan flash stick merah di tangan, nyamperin gue. "daijobu (r u ok?). telp ke nyokap gue matiin, dan jawab "daijobu desu." langsung gue berdiri berusaha keliatan tabah. tapi malah ga ngapa-ngapain, boro-boro berdiriin sepedah. cuma megangin payung dan si bapak ngambil tu payung dari tangan gue(apa masih bisa disebut payung? lebih mirip besi dan plastic vinil kusut) lalu dibuanglah ke parit tempat gue jatuh itu. dikasihnya gue payung dia sendiri. dia pakai jas hujan. setelah itu dia ngeberdiriin sepeda gue, dan meluruskan keranjang yang babak belur. sambil mulutnya menggumam,"kawaii sou(duh, kasian bener)". duh, mak. mau nangis rasane. terhura kok ada malaikat baik banget ya?
"daijobu?hitori de ikeru?(ga papa? bisa jalan sendiri?)" gue yang ngga bisa ngomong apa-apa selain arigato gozaimasu sambil membungkuk lebih dalam dari biasanya. berkali-kali.

Alhamdulillah....meskipun jatuh gue bisa ngerasain kebaikan orang jepang yang bikin rasa sakit dan memar dibadan, rasa black forest.

lebaran yuk lebaraaaaaaaannn!!!!

kreatifitas menulis lagi surut dengan luruhnya dinding rahim gue. terasa banget lho yang namanya PMS. wuijh, hormon-hormon jadi pada bandel dan ngga mau diatur. bawaannya pengen jatuh cinta, marah-marah sambil sekalian kentut. batas teritori udah kayak yang disiram pake minyak tanah aja gitu. ada percikan dikit bisa kacau semua. sekarang eh, maksud gue hari ini bakalan ada orang yang gue jadiin sasaran bulan-bulanan cewek datang bulan. habis tu anak rese bener.

udah baik-baik diundang buat berlebaran di rumah sesudah sholat Ied. e e e e , ga dateng trus malah nyolot dengan pembelaan dirinya.

situasi: tiga hari sebelum lebaran

gue: ntar lebaran, habis sholat ied ke rumah gue ya? diundang mama, makan-makan.
die: iya
gue: nih gue kasih nomor hp dan nomor apaato gue, kalo lo dah nyampe di pintu masuk apartmen, daripada lo buang-buang pulsa lo telp aja pake internal phone.

pas hari H-nya, sore-sore jam 4an diterima sebaris sms.

die: yan, gw maleman gt k rmhnya gpp gt?
gue:gimana donk lo. org dah bubar. bsk aja deh gue bawain mknan ke t4 gawe. nyokapbokap cape. besok gw gawe jam 1.
die:lho emang dr jam brp? gw g tau. kirain jam brp aja blh.
(dlm ati: mbah lu yang boleh dateng jam brapa aja, kalo lu? mah kagak!)
gue:gw dah blg. stlh sholat ied.nyokapbokap br aja istirahat.td rame bgt. besok ya, . minal aidin wal faidzin.
(gue kirain dengan kata-kata lembut begini, tu anak bisa maklum dan mengaku salah.... e e e e...)
die: kan ga jls sholat ied juga jam brp... minal aidin wal faidzin.
dengan gondok dan ibu jari gatel hendak merangkai kata-kata mutiara, gue putuskan untuk tidak membalas sms terakhir yang bodoh sekali menurut gue. orang mau lebaran, mau sholat ied bukannya cari tau kek ke mesjid, jadwal sholatnya jam brape? gue juga yang disalahpun. kesel!kesel!kesel!bentsiy akuh! dikiranya orang gampang apa, niatin puasa sebulan penuh buat membersihkan diri, blon genap sehari sucinya sudah dinodai dengan marah-marah ga jelas ginih.

stay by maurice williams (OST. Windstruck-My sassy girl 2)

Stay

Ah, just a little bit longer
StayPlease, please, please, please
PleaseTell me that you're going to
/ G Em C D7 / :
Now, your daddy don't mind
And your mommy don't mind
If we have another dance, dear,
just one moreOne more time
/ " / / / Em - - - /
Oh, won't you stay
Just a little bit longer
Please let me hear
You will say that you willSay you will
/ " / / / G C G - /
Won't you press your sweet lips to mine
Won't you say you love me all of the time
/ B7 - - - Em - - - / A7 - - - D - - - /
StayJust a little bit longer
StayPlease, please, please, please, please
PleaseTell me you're going to

Come on, come onCome on and stay

this time,

with you.
I want no regrets.
Even if we're not meant together.
shite mite mo ii yo (just give it a try).
the purest of my love yet, I think I'm ready to give.
Not just words, promises.
No more premature lust.
just let our feelings do the talking, not our physique.


you're too special to spoil.
this feeling is too special to spoil.

seperti bunga yang ngga boleh dikasih terlalu banyak pupuk.
ntar malah cepet layu (kata mama).
Biarkan akar-akar menguat mencengkeram tanah mencari hara.

take it slow, know me better, know you better.
come on, lets laugh and talk about our childhoods till its time for me to go home.